AN OLD LADY
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she was not there and the next she was. She is a very clever old lady. She manages to keep out of sight for the most past but, when ever I pass a mirrow, I catch a glimpse of her. And when ever I look in the mirrow directly, to check my appearance, there she is grunt the whole thing and completely
obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried
screaming at her to stop it but she just scream back, grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening! If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer a ay a little rent. No, every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck into a coat pocket, of some change under the sofa cushion but, I think she is stealing money fro me. I go to the ATM and withdraw one hounded dollars, and a few days later it is all gone. I certainly don´t spend money that fast so I can only conclude that the old lady is pilfering from me.
You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkly cream. God knows if she need it. And money isn´t the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good tuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I just can´t seem to keep that watch it because she is really packing on the pounds. I think she realizes that and to make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight too. For an old lady ,she really is quite childish though. She likes to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I´m not home and altering my clothes so that they don´t fit. Or messing with my files and papers so that I can´t find them. This is my particularly mail, newspapers and Magazines before I do and somehow blurs sinister to the volume controls on my tv, radio and telephone so that all I here are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher
so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality? I don´t know even get any respite at night because more than once is enough.
She is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely on the same outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit
and just she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn’t get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me. Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me? She is walking on very thin ice now and if she take this up I swear I will have her put away. But then, on second thought ,maybe I shouldn’t be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, Oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always at my computer too.
AN OLD LADY