Wannabe. Who is underneath the attitude?

Well, I’m a sixteen years old girl. My name is Pamela. But you! call me Pam or I’ll kill you. I live in East London with my mum Anita, my dad Stein and my two brothers Gary and Colin. You probably think my dad’s name is strange and funny, but he’s from Norway so he can’t help it. I have got my silly surname from him, and I really hate it. It’s Ingebrigtsen, and all my friends think it’s sooooooooo entertaining. I have talked to my dad about changing it, but he’s against it. He just said: “You should be proud of your name”. So I guess I have to live with it.

There are even loads of other things I’m cogitating about; like my style. Right now I’m not sure what to do with myself. Some weeks ago I was a happy “boyband-lover”. I was really into a group called A1, but Paul, my favourite member left, and the whole group split up. I was crying for days, but now I’m over it at last. It’s just one problem left; what should I listen to now? I think I’m never going to love any other band as much as I loved A1, but I’m trying every day to find one...

...and to day I did it! I found a burned record in school, and brought it home. I put the record in my stereo, and then it happened; some amazing, wonderful and miraculous music streamed out of my loudspeakers. I became so dumb stuck and overwhelmed that I couldn’t do anything. I don’t know for how long time I sat there on my desk and just listened, but it was like waking up from a coma, when Colin came and knocked on my door. “Come inside!” I shouted with a husky voice. But instead of open the door and come inside he howled, “I can’t, the door is locked!” So I moved my ass with a big effort and locked the door up.

Colin rushed into my room and shouted, “Hello, little rabbit! What are you doing?” I really hate when he calls me that, so I answered with a hissing, “Don’t call me little rabbit! I’m not a baby anymore, and I have never been a rabbit”.
“Well, it’s worth considering, but what are you doing?”
“I was listening to some music, BEFORE you came”.
“What music?” why does he always have to know everything? “I don’t know, but it was really great.”
“Let me listen to it!”
“Why should I let you?”
“‘Coz I’m your brother”, he answered with a smile. “OK, but just because you’re nagging.”

So I turned on the stereo. He listened for a few seconds, told me that, “this rubbish is Sex Pistols”, and then he quickly went out of my room.

A month later I was obsessed; I couldn’t think about anything else but Sex Pistols. I was never with my friends; instead I was home in my bed and listened to the music and talked to my posters. Sex Pistols were my new friends! My obsession enlarged more and more for every day that passed, and soon I wanted to be like them. I don’t have the need to belong any more. I don’t want to be like everybody else. I want to be particular and different. I’m born to be abnormal, and that’s why I’m going to be a punk-girl!

After the dinner I went out to buy new, cool clothes. This was the last time EVER I wore my old, childlike stuff. Next morning I cut my hair and coloured it black. Then I dressed in the punk uniform of jeans, leather jacket, military boots and loads of rivets. All the black made me feel so powerful.

Now I was ready to show the rest of the earth, the new Pam! But I was a bit scared. I don’t think my mum’s going to like my new style, to be honest I think she’s going to hate it. I think she’s going to blame me and give me curfew for about three years or something, but I have to show her sometimes and the faster the better.

I picked up courage and went slowly towards the kitchen. I was sweaty and it felt like my heart should bump out of me. I took a deep breath and then I went inside. My mum jumped for about one meter straight up in the air. And believe me! she looked really shocked. After the flight she opened her mouth and said... “WOW!” a wave of alleviation passed my body; I couldn’t believe it was true.

Skriven av: Jennie Pettersson