it's harder by midnight

Her grey t-shirt had a knot in the front and her brown hair looked untouched. The ocean blue eyes were glazed over like newly cut glass and the key shaped charm hanging from her neck was slightly rusty.

She smiles as I sit down next to her on the grass, wiping away a lonely tear that has fallen onto her cheek and looks back down at the dirty white sneakers on her feet.

“Did you want something?” She asks, tilting her head to the side letting her eyes meet mine.

“Are you okay?” I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

She puts her hand in the pockets of her light denim jeans, laughing slightly.

“Oh.” She mumbles, staying silent.

“Are you?” I ask again, taking a deep breath and looking up at the dark sky and the full moon that’s hidden behind a tree.

It’s past midnight, September 3rd.

“Sure.” She replies with a shrug, falling backwards onto her military green jacket and closing her eyes.

I chuckle, “Yeah?”

She smiles, nodding in silence.

“You don’t seem okay.” I reply, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my chin on top.

“Some things are just better off unsaid.” She says, laughing.

“Everything isn’t.” I respond, running my fingers through the messy blonde hair on top of my head.

“Of course not.” She says, laughing.

“You’re not ok.” I state, looking down at her where she’s laying in the grass.

She stays silent for a moment, keeping both of her eyes tightly shut, shrugging.

“No, but that’s okay. I’ll be out of here soon anyways.” She says, turning around to her side so she’s facing me.

“To go where?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.

Sitting up she puts her jacket on. Both of the pockets are open and I can see the old cellphone in one of them and the yellow lighter and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

“Anywhere.” She says, placing a cigarette between her lips.

“Anywhere?” I repeat.

I watch her inhale the toxic smoke, smiling before releasing it just inches away from my face. I cough and her smile grows bigger.

“As long as I don’t have to be here, I don’t care where I go.” She says, letting the cigarette get crushed under her shoe.

“What about your family?” I ask.

“They don’t care.” She replies with a shrug.

I furrow my eyebrows. “Why?”

She chuckles, raising an eyebrow. “Fuck should I know.”

“Oh.” I trail off.

“You have a lot of questions.” She says, combing through the tangled brown hair on her head.

I shrug. “Just wondering.”

“Why?” She asks, an unreadable look on her face.
“I don’t know a lot about you. And it doesn’t seem like anyone else does either.” I say.

“Yeah. Because they haven’t asked.”

She stands up, walks over to the edge of the cliff.

“What are you doing, Emily?” I ask, watches as she turns around. Her back no longer facing me.

“I don’t know. Playing with death, maybe.” She says, taking a tiny step backwards and giggles as one rock falls over the edge.

“Emily.” I beg, “You’re going to be ok.”

She laughs dryly, a sob escaping her lips, “No. I’m not. I’ve never been ok, I’ll never be ok.” She whispers, wiping a tear away that has fallen onto her already tear stained cheek.

I stand up, taking a step towards her, but she just shakes her head.

“You were planning on getting out of here.” I try, but I can barely breath and it comes out as a whisper.

She nods, but doesn’t say a word.

“You’ll be ok.” I repeat again.

And as she leans backwards, just seconds from falling, she laughs. “Maybe some of us just aren’t meant to be saved.”

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