disclaimer: Characters belongs to CLAMP
Tomoyo and Eriol had been together now for a very long time. They had even got engaged and they both decided when they settled down, they would get married. Eriol was studying to become a brain surgeon. He worked half of the time in the hospital while he was studying. This was what he dreamed and wished for to do since he was a little kid so he would succeed. Tomoyo was working in her own boutique. She became a very successful designer and was quite famous. They both enjoyed what they had been given.
It had been five years now since they got together and they were so grateful for being blessed. But then something happened that changed their whole life and broke their hearts forever. Just as every other evening they spent it in silence, holding each other while watching another new DVD. Tomoyo snuggled up in Eriol's arms and rested her head on his chest, smelling the light scent of his cologne. She felt so secure and loved, and she wished that this feeling could last forever. Eriol held her tightly in his arms, he truly felt blessed for having this beautiful woman.
Suddenly Tomoyo looked up to meet his midnight coloured eyes that shone tenderness and love at her. Eriol got caught by her intense eyes. Slowly he bent down and kissed her on her forehead.
“I love you Tomoyo.” He whispered in her ear, making her shiver. She smiled happily at him and kissed him.
“I love you too.” She quickly replied. “Please don’t leave me.” She silently continued with tears in her eyes. “I love you too much to lose you.” He stroked her hair and at her in surprise.
“How could you think that I would want to leave you? I love you Tomoyo.” He answered.
“Please promise me that you won’t leave me.” She desperately said. Eriol just nodded and smiled at her. “I’ll never leave you Tomoyo. You’re the most important person in my life. I would give you my life.” He confessed. Tomoyo smiled sadly.
“You don’t need to do anything for me. All that I want is for you to be happy. If you’re happy, I’m happy too.” She whispered. He captured her lips and kissed her passionately. That night was a night they never could forget.
A month went by and it turned to winter. Christmas was near and they both got busier by each day. There came so many customers to Tomoyo's boutique who wanted nice dresses for Christmas Eve and for New Year's. And as it neared Christmas, people got excited which made Eriol busy healing people from being hurt in fights for Christmas presents.
But one day they decided to go to the supermarket to buy some things for Christmas Eve, which they decided to spend together with Sakura and Syaoran; their closest friends who had promised to come from China. Pushing a cart, they picked up all kind of things.
“Eriol, shall we make a chocolate pie for Syaoran this Christmas?” Tomoyo asked and picked up some chocolate. Eriol scratched his head and adjusted his glasses before answering.
“Okay, if you make me a blue berry pie. “ He answered. Tomoyo smiled and put the chocolate in their cart as she walked away to get the milk. Eriol went up to her and took the milk from her to put it in the cart. “Tomoyo, I’m sorry that I can’t be with you tonight, I’ve been invited to a party. But if you don’t want me to go I can stay home with you.” He said. Tomoyo turned around and put the butter in the cart.
“Please go, I’m working overtime tonight anyway. There is a dress that I need to finish by tomorrow. Just remember to not be out too late.” She said and kissed him on the cheek before continuing to get the other supplies.
Eriol went to the party and was surprised that the party was in a bar. He met some of his co-workers and so on but didn’t find the party interesting. He was just going to leave when a man named Mark came up to him. They started to chat a bit and quickly became friends. Mark was from Norway and he was going to leave the next morning. The only reason for him to come to London was that he was going to visit his sister. Then a woman came up to them. She was dressed in a navy blue dress with glitter, which exposed her fine legs and her back and high boots. She was sensual and attractive with her orange hair with a touch of red.
“Hey guys, I’m sorry for disturbing you. Can I buy you a drink?” She asked, but before getting the answer she ordered two martinis for them.
“I’m sorry for not introducing you, but this is Ginger. She is a friend of mine.” Mark said. Soon they all started to talk about things and they all enjoyed it. They spent a few hours drinking and laughing. Suddenly Mark started to speak about a new computer program which got Eriol's full attention.
“Hey Eriol, you can come to my hotel and I can show you the program.” Eriol agreed and Ginger also agreed to follow them, just to see.
When they arrived to the hotel room Mark suddenly got a phone call and excused himself. Ginger took the fine red wine from the small table and poured it in two crystal glasses. She gave one to Eriol and kept one for herself.
“I shouldn’t drink so much Ginger. I’m going to drive.” He said and put the glass on the table. Ginger took up the glass and gave it to him again.
“Aw Eriol, don’t be like that now. It’s just a glass; you won’t get drunk on that. “She said. Eriol chuckled and smiled.
“You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells? “He told her. Ginger just made a funny face but she rose her glass.
“I don’t care. Cheers!” She said and clinged their glass together. Eriol smiled and drank a little. Suddenly he got dizzy and felt that everything spun around him.
“G-Ginger, I think I don’t feel so well, I should head home.” He said and headed for the door but before he reached it he fell to the floor. Ginger helped him to the bed and laid him down.
“I think you're drunk. Just lay here and rest my dear. “She whispered. Mark came in the door and saw Eriol lying on the bed.
“What happened?” he asked. “He just got drunk. “ Ginger simply answered.
“I shall call home for him to see if there is anyone who can pick him up. I can’t drive.” Mark said and took Eriol's cell phone from his pocket. “Watch over him will you ,Ginger? I’m going to the hospital just for awhile, there's an emergency with my sister.” He said and went out to call Tomoyo.
Ginger just smiled and turned over her attention to the dizzy and confused Eriol. He was starting to babble but didn’t know what he babbled about. Slowly she bent down.
“How are you?” She asked seductively.
“Tomoyo…” Eriol whispered back and held the woman in front of him. Ginger smiled evilly.
“Yes, what is it Eriol?” She asked, her eyes glimmered.
“I love you Tomoyo.” He whispered. Ginger smiled and kissed him. Without knowing what he was doing and thinking she was Tomoyo, he kissed her back. And so that night they did something that shouldn’t been done.
Tomoyo looked desperately at her watch. The traffic was awful. A half hour ago, Tomoyo got the call telling her that Eriol was drunk and laid now in a hotel room. She was worried and the traffic didn’t help a thing. An hour went by and still she was stuck in the traffic. Finally when the red light shone green she speeded her car to the hotel. She looked at the paper where she had written the address and the number of the room.
“Room number 852.” She whispered to herself and looked at the door with that number. “Here it is. “ She gladly smiled. “I was so worried about you Eri…” Not finishing the sentence when she opened the unlocked door, she saw something that she never in her whole life could think she would see. She saw Eriol with another woman on the bed, making love. Eriol looked up and turned to the door, horrified and confused.
Slowly I turned to the car window and gazed out. It was so dark outside and so was the sky. But still I could see the thick clouds shifting from black to grey. I could see the clouds slowly and silently sailed by in the dark. I got so infatuated but yet it was so dreadful. It was like falling asleep but you know that you’re awake. It’s a feeling you need to feel to understand.
To feel heavy but yet light, to feel numb but yet emotional. Suddenly my eyes filled with tears. I silently closed them, trying so hard to hold back but yet they fall. Angry, sad and disappointed, I cried. Memories and dreams started to flow right back to me. Scenes after scenes played in my head, emotions and feelings hold a firm grip at me. My heart was aching and I trembled. I felt lost,
uncared for, unloved, and ignored. Is there anyone who cares? Who does really with all their heart love me? I don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself these questions. But it seems like the answers could never be found. I’ve been hurt many times, I’ve been disappointed many times but
never in my life have I felt like this dreadful. And now I finally experience that. It may come as a shock. To give love is not hard…but to be loved… is a hard thing. I never thought that this would happen to me. I gave out my heart, my soul and everything to you but what do I get back? I get hurt, disappointed and cheated. I suddenly feel so stupid to have thought that you would love me, only me. You made be believe so much. You made me believe that this could work out, that we finally could be together for all that we’ve been trough. I believed in you! I started to recall that happened. I opened the door and what I saw…was the most awful thing ever. I saw you making love with another. I saw you enjoying it, I saw you…happy. I couldn’t take it anymore so I ran away. I just ran and ran until I exited the hotel. It was raining and I cried. I quickly sat in the car and drove. The only thing that I could see in front of me was you. I started to remember that we have gone trough this for five years. What we had promised each other. But then I saw you with another…and it hurt. The pain was endlessly. It feels like your heart is bursting, breaking.
Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke down. The car just stopped and I just cried and cried. How could you?! How could you do this to me?! Didn’t you love me anymore? Wasn’t I as important to you as I thought as I was? Was everything just a big lie?!
But the big question was why… Why did you do it? The scene just flashed by over and over again. I could see you and her… and it was wordless to describe.
Tomoyo silently sat in the car, hearing the outside rains clatter when it hit the ground and the car. It was dark outside, so dark she felt her lovely violet eyes turned grey…and then blacker then the night itself….
He was stunned what he just saw. “Tomoyo…”
“Tomoyo, wait!” Eriol ran after Tomoyo as fast as he could but as he ran out of the hotel, he could only see Tomoyo driving away at a very dangerously high speed. He couldn’t do anything more then to go back to the room. He thought that she was her. A sudden sickness overwhelmed him. He suddenly felt so dirty, so disgusting and so unforgivable.
“What is it Eriol?” Ginger asked him and giggled evilly as she hugged him from behind. “Didn’t you enjoy it?” Eriol pushed her away and saw her as the devil himself.
“What did you do to me?” He asked angrily.
“Aw …poor Eriol, doesn’t know what he just done. You’re so naïve Eriol. It was just a simple game or correctly said, it was a simple mistake for your cost.” She said and rose from the bed, just to
dress. “I’m sorry that your girlfriend saw this. It wasn’t meant to be so.” She continued and laughed. Eriol suddenly went up to her and slapped her.
“You damn witch!” Ginger put her hand on her red cheek and turned to him. She walked near him and pushed him to the bed. Eriol was just about to slap her again when she sat on top of him.
“You tell me that you didn’t enjoy it? You tell me that you didn’t want it? You tell me that you didn’t kiss me? You tell me!!!” She yelled furiously at him. Eriol stared hatred at her. He pushed her away and got dressed.
“Why?” He then asked. Ginger smugly smiled and gave him a lazy look.
“You looked cute. Besides why not? I never thought you where in a relationship with another girl. You were for damn's sake in a bar.” She answered nonchalant. “Anyway, I had a great night, you were great Eriol. Here’s my number, call me.” With another smile she went trough the door and left Eriol in his own misery.
Tomoyo drove back to their home. It was already morning when she reached their home. She saw the dress that she had made the night before and the lovely dinner that she thought she would eat with Eriol when he came home but now it was just rubbish. Quickly she went into their room and took out a big bag and started to back her things. She took a few clothes and called to her boutique telling them that she was taking a few days off.
Eriol gave the taxi the money and headed for the door to their house. It was unlocked and with the thought that Tomoyo had come home he rushed in. But to his big disappointment he saw nothing.
Walking to their room he then saw a letter on their bed. Slowly he folded up it and started to read:
We all knew what happened back there in the hotel. I can’t tell you how much you really have hurt me. I know that you can explain everything and say sorry. I can forgive you but the thing is, I
can’t forget it. I’ll never be able to forget that you spent the night with another woman. I can’t face you. Love is egoistic; I can’t share you with another. For that I’m sorry, but I love you.
I’ve always loved you.
Tears fell down to the paper as Eriol felt like he was sucked into a black hole. He had lost her.
“Rika, has Tomoyo come to you?” Eriol asked.
“I’m sorry Eriol but she hasn’t. Has something happened?”she asked.
“Nothing has happened but if you do talk to her or know anything then please call me.”
“Hello Nikki. Has Tomoyo told you anything about where she went?”
“No, she just called back here to the boutique to tell me that she was going to have a few days off.”
“Didn’t she tell you where she was going to stay?”
“Stay? Isn’t she with you?”
“Anyway, tell me if she calls or tell you anything.”
“Is it Sakura?”
“Yes it is. Who’s calling?”
“It’s me Eriol. I was just wondering if you knew anything about Tomoyo?”
“Hi Eriol. What has happened? What did you do? She called me awhile ago and cried in the phone.”
“What did she say?”
“She just said that she needed to think and calm down.”
“Where is she now? Please tell me.”
“I don’t know. She just said so much and then she hung up.”
“Okay, thank you Sakura, if Tomoyo calls again please tell me.”
~~Three months went by~~
Eriol was still worried about Tomoyo, he searched for her, looked for her but still he couldn’t find her. She was gone. He was in despair, angry, sad and pained.
“Why couldn’t you give me a chance to explain?”
Three months went by…
His whole life suddenly turned all boring, dark and sad. He was so unhappy, so sad all the time.
“I miss you so much Tomoyo.”
~~Three months went by~~
Every second, minute, hour he was thinking about her.
“When will you return to me?”
~~Three months went by~~
He thought about their holidays, he thought about their lovely evenings, he thought about their promises to each other.
“When will you be able to forgive me?”
~~Three months went by~~
He thought about when they first met in the school, their first date, their first kiss, and their first confession.
“When will you be able to forget?”
~~A year and three months went by~~
He finally thought about their engagement.
“When will you give me a new chance?”
“Fight to England is now arriving. The passengers will come from gate 456. Please go and get your bags and belongings.”
Tomoyo stepped out from the plane and gave out a big sigh. It had been more then a year ago since she left England, London and Eriol and went to China to be with Sakura and Syaoran. There she had been comforted, loved and cared for. Sakura and Syaoran where going to have a baby and Tomoyo was to be it's Godmother. She was happy there but still she knew that she needed to go back to England and fix the damage.
“I’m finally back, good or bad; I still need to face it.” She suddenly looked at her small diamond ring that she got from Eriol. She was going to throw it away but she just couldn’t, she loved him too much.
“Hello Eriol, I came with some pie for you!” A nice looking woman, very like Tomoyo looked up at him.
“Hello Mandy. Nice of you to come here with a pie for me.” Eriol answered and let the young woman to come in. Mandy was Eriol's neighbour, she had moved in next door right after that Tomoyo left. So she was somehow a comfort for Eriol. Eriol knew that she liked him very much and he needed the attention and the comfort so they became very good friends or as he thought. She had otherwise other plans about their future, because she wanted him, she needed him. “What is it for kind of pie this time? Don’t tell me it’s apple pie. I’ll die if you tell me it’s that.” He said and took out a knife and two plates. The dark purple haired girl just giggled.
“Of course not, it’s blue berry pie!” She gladly announced.
“Blue berry pie, Tomoyo used to make it for me, and she promised to make me one for Christmas...” He suddenly thought and smiled. “Well, let’s see if this blue berry pie is as bad as the apple pie.” He teased.
“You little eyeglass wearing, blue haired, stupid, freak, brain geek!”
“It’s surgeon.” He chuckled.
When the days passed, Mandy got more and more possessed by Eriol. She needed to be with him all the time, she came always with new excuses that she needed to stay in his house. Once it was that her water tap didn’t work, the second time was the heat in the house so that she needed to stay in his house and third time was that there was a ghost in the house. But it was not only that, she started to change. She was no longer the Mandy he first met, she changed herself to be more like Tomoyo. Coloured her hair, growing it long, wearing lilac contact lenses, designing, wearing similar clothes that Tomoyo would wear.
Soon Eriol grew kind of tired of her, it was just too much, and he didn’t search for a copy of Tomoyo.
“Mandy, I need to talk to you.” Eriol one day said after coming home from the hospital.
“What is it Eriol? I’m preparing our dinner, it’s going to be sushi tonight.” Mandy shouted from the kitchen.
“Please come here.” Eriol said and dragged her to the living room, settling her on the sofa.
“What is it Eriol?” She giggled.
“Mandy, you know that I care for you?” Eriol started. “You know that you’re my best friend since the thing with Tomoyo.” He continued. Mandy just nodded. “But this is just too much. I like you and everything but you’re not Tomoyo and I can’t love you. “He quietly said. Mandy stared at him and giggled nervously.
“You don’t love me? You need to love me! Why can’t you love me Eriol?” She asked him, freaking out.
“You’re not her.” He whispered.
“I can be like her. I can change my name! I can do anything Eriol.” Mandy panicked and held his hands, not wanting to let go.
“Mandy, you’re not her. Even if you try to be her you’re not her. The one I love is her!” Eriol told her as he tried to free himself from her firm grip.
“Eriol, you don’t understand…” She started in despair.
“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand. I care for you Mandy but you’re not her.” Eriol repeated.
“No!” She screamed. “I’ve done so much for you already, I can’t lose you. I’ve been with you but what has she done? She has just written to you some lousy letters!” She yelled.
“Has Tomoyo written to me? Where’s the letters then? Why haven’t I seen them?” Eriol suddenly got up from the sofa and stared at the mad woman in front of him.
”I’ve burned them all.” She whispered dangerously near him.
“You what?! Those aren't your letters!” he shouted furiously.
“Eriol please, I couldn’t let you see them, you would have left me.” She nervously cracked.
“How long have this been going?” He asked her, trying to be calm. “A year.” She whispered with her head lowered.
“A year! She had been sending me letters for a year now and you’ve burned them!” He screamed.
“You still love her.” She whispered. “You still love her don’t you?! What does she have that I don’t?” She yelled and held Eriols tie. “What does she have?!” She asked him, really freaking out. “I love you Eriol.” She whispered to him, really insane. She bends down just to kiss him when he pushed her to the floor.
“I’m sorry Mandy, I love Tomoyo, and her only. I once did something wrong but I’ll make it up to her.” He said. Mandy rose to her feet and stared at him.
“What does she have that I don’t?” She repeated and ran out of the door. Soon Eriol could hear her car starting and got further away.
It was late and Tomoyo was tired after being in the boutique. She had just come home and was just on her way to take a shower when the doorbell could be heard.
“I’m coming.” She shouted as the furious bell kept ringing. “Who can it be so late? I didn’t expect anyone.” As she opened the door she saw a woman at her age smiling evilly.
“Tomoyo…” She said. Tomoyo just stared at her; she was like a copy of her but had a more wickedly look.
“Yes, I am Tomoyo. Who are you?” Tomoyo asked but before getting the answer the woman already dragged her into the car. “What do you want?!” Tomoyo asked, scared and panicked.
“Shut up!” The woman just replied. “I’m just going to make a person very happy.” She laughed wickedly.
It was already night and the clock showed 11:00PM already. Eriol was just going to go to bed when he heard a scream from outside, and then there was a knock on the door. Eriol quickly opened the door and saw Mandy dragging Tomoyos hair in the house.
“Tomoyo!” Eriol screamed. “Eriol!” Tomoyo sobbed.
“What is happening?” She asked already afraid. Mandy dragged her into the kitchen and took out a knife from one of the drawers.
“Mandy, calm down!” Eriol tried to get the woman’s attention.
“I’m calm, Eriol.” She said and pressed the knife to Tomoyos throat. Tomoyo squeezed her eyes shut and started to breathe heavily. She yelped when the hard, reed metal piece was pressing on her throat.
“Mandy! Please, lay down the knife.” Eriol whispered, afraid what she was going to do. “I’ll promise you anything if you just lay down the knife. I’ll do anything that you tell me to do.” He said, calming her.
“Tell me Eriol, tell me why you love her and not me?” Mandy asked in a piteous voice. Tomoyo opened her eyes and stared at Eriol. “What does she have that I don’t?” She asked. “Why do you choose her before me?” She yelled, insanely. She pressed dangerously the knife at Tomoyos throat and Tomoyo looked really pale.
“I…” he started. 'I can’t answer that I love Tomoyo, if I do that she’ll kill her! I can’t lose her now!' He thought.
“Of course I’m not choosing her before you.” Eriol tried to smooth. “She got nothing that you haven’t got. You’re beautiful Mandy, you’re the best. I love you.” Eriol told her. Slowly Mandy dropped the knife and ran to Eriol's side and hugged him.
“You see Tomoyo, you have nothing that I don’t have. Eriol loves me, not you!” She said and laughed.
Tomoyo fell to the floor. Suddenly she got the knife and without thinking she stabbed herself. Eriol turned around just to see it.
“Hey, I didn’t do that.” Too scared for the consequences she ran away. Eriol ran to Tomoyos side and held her. “Why Tomoyo why?!” He shouted at her. He held her wound and told her to hold on. Tomoyo started to feel cold.
“I’m sorry Eriol.”
“Why?!” he whispered.
“I love you Eriol, when you said that you loved her, I just couldn’t take it anymore. You were the only reason why I’m still living in this world. And when you said that you loved her… there was no longer a reason for me to live on. I love you….forever…” And so she closed her eyes.
He had lost her, and now forever.