A New Life

The clock was spinning in a slow motion forward. All these seconds she wants to spare. All these minutes, hours. Soon It would be over. The free life of her own. Something was lingering in her veins. Did she want this? All these women have made it. Why wouldn't she?
Ellen walked lazy across the room. Was this her destiny? For blunt second she thought of what she could do if she wasn't here in Gilead. She slapped her hand against her soft cheek. A burning feeling blossomed. No, she would not go against god's wishes. She had witnessed her closest friend Mary drown to the bottom of the see because of her heart. Her dreams. She was probably rotting with the seaweed in this right moment. The silent ache in her heart is almost unbearable. A missing void. An empty room.
Ellen's mother had moved on so fast. The Connors and the Thompsons were the closest friends in the block. We were basically family. She has been her best friend since born. Mary was the person you always could talk to. Her bright hair was golden blonde, really a blessing. She left me here alone, in this cruel world. Her temper was rising to the roof. How could she?
Now I wasn't aloud to talk about her family, the Connors has never existed. They were a disgrace to god and was now punished in the most terrible ways. Just the thought of it made her puke.
She was wearing a white dress, that her mother had been working on for months. The stitches were made with expertise and the embroidery was beautiful. A craft she never wanted. Her hair was curly and hanged thankfully on her shoulders. It was the first time she was wearing white since she was a baby. She hated the color on her skin.
The worst was the unknowing, she had no idea who she would be wife to. If she had bad luck, she would get a fat old man. The hair on her arms raised. No that would not happen. Her father was one of the highest commanders in Gilead. He can't let that happen.
She walked down to the kitchen were the two marthas were chatting. When she entered they got silent and smile towards her. She wanted to give a warming smile back but she couldn't. Not today. She didn't want to fake her feelings at home. So she walked threw the kitchen without a word. In the hall there were weapons against the wall. They were her fathers and the guard, who is having a meeting with him. The weapons were a beautiful black color. The fact that the weapons can kill hundreds of people in a matter of seconds is worrying but also impressing. What science it must have taken to come upon them. Fascinated is just the first word.
A thought she wasn't aloud to think was just that. The military, the dream of working with the protectors of Gilead. But it would never work. She felt a strong longing to it. But just as everything else, it was just a dream. Something that a women never would be aloud to do, of they don't want to end up like Mary.
“Ellen, the car is ready” her mom cried across the house. She walked threw her childhood memories as she walked to the car. She would never live here anymore. She would never be a girl again, she was only 16. But it was the rules. Her mom was wearing her usual green dress and her hair up in a knot. Just like every other wife in the area. “Isn't dad coming?” She asked. Worrying that if he didn't come, she would end up with just that fat man she pictured in her head. “He is soon done with his meeting, he will meet us there” She said calmly.
She noticed that her mother was looking at her while she stared out of the window in the car. In the reflexion of the glas she saw her mom shred a tear. The sympathy was shining in her eyes. She had never seen her mother like this. Vulnerable. She turned to face her mom. “Mom, I am fine” she said. She knew the words that slipped out of my mouth were fake but it would make her feel better. “The world is like this, we can't change it. Let god take the wheel love” She said to me when I was younger. The words is almost like a rebound to her in these seconds of pain. Now she needed her comfort, and she gave it. “I know sweetie, I am just gonna miss you so much. My baby girl has grown up. Ah you're so beautiful and I promise that you will get a kind husband ” her mother said. She analysed the words that her mother spoke. “Promise” she said, you cant promise such thing. The ceremony is like a lottery. The men are going to sit on chairs, the young girls like herself are going to go around them as long the music flows. When it stops, you will stand before the man of your life. The man who is going to own you, the man that is going to comfort you. No one can decide husband, you will get what you deserve by god. She was no sinner, only in her dreams and mind. But god couldn't see those thoughts right?
The big hall was filled with people from all of “old” new york. She had overheard from some martha's that this was a old sports arena. She had no idea what that was but she figured it was something big and popular because the big house she was in was huge. Bigger than any villa she has ever seen.
She looked carefully threw the crowd. Her mom was seated in the upper arena with her lady friends. Dad wasn't here yet. But he will she hoped. She could not go through this alone. Her mind was not stable. Thousands of scenarios was flashing threw her mind. Her breath became shaky. Could she do this?
She looked for comfort. Damn you Mary, we were supposed to be here together. If you didn't love the guard and became unfaithful you would have been here right now. Beside me- It was selfish thinking but she didn't care. She needed her.
The sounds of a piano and latin words were echoing through the walls. Step by step she walked around in a circle. She could barely breathe. Her eyes started flashing. Her legs started trembling. She was so close to fall but a sound of stepping foots and weapons pounding against hard costumes, stopped her. The room suddenly got quiet and eleven men were storming the ceremony. The first two had a man in their arms. His cheeks were red of blood and his hair were all over his face. Father. No.NO. This is not happening. A scream came from the upper arena. “HAROLD, HAROLD” someone cried. The voice was her moms. She knew that she should feel dizzy and scared. But she had never felt so alive. So alert. “ Miss and ms Thompson, come here. You are all accused of treason” one of the military guys said. She felt every eye turn to me. She had two choices, either she go as a good girl to him or she rebell like Mary. But where would she go? To the bottom of the sea?
My mom was already under custody. She had broken like a doll. Her face was filled with tears. She was truly vulnerable today. Weak. But was Ellen??



This was a take on the fantastic novel "handmaids tale"

Skriven av: Moa