ET-The Top Cat And His Friends

Now I am asking. Why is almost everybody writing stories and poems about people? There is so much more in life that could be just as interesting to read about. The following story is about my own life and how I in the very last moment was saved from a horrible death of starvation, cold and the hard Canadian winter. You all know that a small kitten does not cost money and therefore often is given to children during summer holydays. It’s just a thing to play with for a short while. When fun is over and families abandoned their summerhouses, the kitten is left behind to care for itself. In most cases it ends up in deep tragedy. Yes, I was one of the unfortunate four years ago, a weak and starving creature desperately trying to stay alive. Oh well that was four years ago but now everything is different thank God.

The month is May and all that cold and horrible weather with snow and ice is gone. The first spring flowers are popping up everywhere and the Picas nest is full of life. I can hear the little chicks chirping for food and it keeps the Pica birds busy all day long. My life is now as perfect as can be and I am taking a nap on the sunny veranda of the Ohlson House. The only thing that disturbs me is that blasted Pica bird trying to get at my leftover breakfast in the white china bowl with flowers on. Lady Jane got it for me in the market place and I am so proud of it. Jane is of course the nice lady that laid a merciful hand on me for years ago when my life was a wreck. What a nice day it is. Perhaps it’s time to take a stroll down the road and find out what’s going on.
Hey, Slut and Gunnar are you with me? Wake up you sleepy heads, you have been at it all morning. It’s time for a little action. It’s getting pretty boring on the veranda and dinnertime is hours away.
Oh sorry I forgot to introduce the pals and myself. My name is ET. I am four years old and carry six kilogram fat around my belly. Not that it matters so much I am still a handsome young dude. The people call me Fat Candy Cat. It’s okay I guess because I am a lower of good food. Sometime I trot over to the neighbor’s house because he feeds the Picas with cheese. Once in a while I manage to get me a few peices. My colors are grey, black and brown and I always keep the striped fur well groomed. I will never try to mess with the Slut. She is a black and white female cat with big yellow eyes and one year older than I. She is a tiny little thing and very pretty too. The Slut is a funny name for a cat but I suppose she got into trouble. I don’t know what became of the poor kittens. Anyway it all happened before I came to the Ohlson family. One day the Slut and I vas taken to the veterinarian clinic for a small operation and that was it. You know what I mean. I guess it is all for the best. There are just too many poor unfortunate homeless cats around and I feel sorry for them.
Gunnar is the tiny black poodle who happens to be master Tony’s special little darling. He can get away with almost anything. Anyway, how did I happen to be called ET? Well, Lady Jane thought that it was the best name at the time. She could not find out if I was a boy or a girl cat with all that fuzzy fur covering up the naughty bits. It is a kinky name but what the heck, it’s at least a name. Before I came here I didn’t even have one.
My pal’s and I live together with the Ohlson family in a very nice house in the country. Jane and Tony are journalists and work on the town’s newspaper. They are gone most of the day so we can do whatever we like. When I first came to this house my presence created some problems. The big question was. Who’s going to be the boss of the pack? Gunnar being the dog proclaimed himself the only leader in question. A dog stands higher in rank because it costs money and homeless cats have no price. In other words he is worthless little thing.
There will be no question about it, Gunnar said. I have been here the longest and know the house routines well. The Ohlson family has taught me a lot. They are educated and that makes me educated and smart too. So it was settled in a minute and the tiny black poodle wagged his bushy tail and put his nose in the air. Now we are going to be the best of pals and when we share things we always share alike as we were sisters and brothers.
ET frowned. Ha, smart that’s what you think. We’ll soon see about that. You can’t even hunt for your own food and you are taken to the beauty shop to have your fur groomed. All right so you are the boss now.
The Slut nodded her head and agreed because she was proud to be chosen part of a gang. A female is often put aside except for Lady Jane. That lady is really something and she always comes on top when there is a fight in the house.
Chussss you awful bird, get away from my leftovers. One of these days I am going to nick your tail feathers shouted ET and made an attack against the Pica bird. She croaked, flapped her wings and flew away in a hurry disappointed over the lost extra meal. Krax, krax she let out. Damn house animals how I hate you. One of these days you’re going to get it, be so sure. I am quick and my beak is sharp.
ET cleaned up the bowl in a jiffy. No dumb Pica bird was to eat his leftover breakfast.
The gang stayed on the veranda for a while talking and planning for the coming afternoon happenings. The meadow in the end of the sandy road is a very exciting place to explore, ET said. He still remembered the time he caught a small fish in the creek. Oh holy Joseph it was good, a bit bony but still good. The Slut used to catch mice in the high grass. Gunnar did not have much to say about the meadow, he had never been there. Now he would just tag along for the fun of it. ET hoped for something much bigger a next time. A nice juicy throat from the creek would make his day. So far he never managed to even get close to such a big prey.

Shortly after lunch the gang was ready to move on. Side by side they walked down the sandy road, took a turn to the right after Smiths house and got to the meadow in a few minutes. Let’s race to the woods, ET said.
Gunnar took the lead and the Slut fallowed close behind. ET was slow in the start and had a hard time to keep up. Of course the sex kilograms of fat around his belly did not help. Perhaps he needed to go on a diet after all. Lady Jane had warned him time and again about that overweight but he never did listen. He was just too proud to be told what to do.
Gunnar won the race as expected and The Slut came close behind. ET was tired and breath taken when he made the line. He hoped that his pitiful effort wouldn’t be talked about when they returned home. Tony and Jane would surely laugh at him. At least he did try and it was a stupid idea with that race anyway.
Oh, look at that huge anthill the Slut shouted and run over to see what was going on there.
Don’t get to close and above all don’t ever touch it .The ants sting something awful ET warned.
The Slut did not hear ET. She was far too interested in those small creatures being so strong and busy carrying things much bigger then themselves. Of course she could not resist putting her right paw into the stack to pick up a few ants. She wanted so much to see what they locked like close up.
Holy Moses, help me, it stings something awful she shouted wildly and reached out for ET. He dashed over to her as fast as he could and tried to brush the angry little creatures from her fur. It did not help much instead his own coat soon crawled with biting insects. It felt like his whole body was on fire.
Dumb cats haven’t you learned anything. Gunnar who was older, wiser and educated knew just what to do. He had come across ants before and learned a lesson for life. Run for the creek as fast as you can and jump into the water you stupid cats. Water is the only thing that can get red of the nasty little things. I am telling you the truth so hurry up.
The gang rushed across the meadow and both cats cried loudly for help. It was a pitiful sight when that six-kilogram heavy Top Cat behaved like a scared little chicken. The Slut however had more courage in this awful situation and did hardly complained at all. ET looked at her with envy. It was all too embarrassing. The Slut was after all only a simple girl cat and he was the Top Cat but bravery was not up his alley.
Be quick in to the water Slut it’s the only way said Gunnar. She hesitated at first because water was not something she liked too much. Once when she was a kitten she fell in to the pond and that was a horrible experience, one time that she would never forget. Now the situation was different. It was do or die and she had really no choice in the matter. Splash, and she jumped in with a big scream. However she must admit that it felt heavenly to be red of the pain and see all the ants floating around on the surface hurrying to safety.
ET was still jumping around on the grass complaining loudly over the pain. Help me somebody he cried out and turned once again to Gunnar but he realized finally that the water was the only way to get red of the biting ants.
I can’t help you ET unless you take to the water quickly. Believe me you have no other choice. The Slut did it and so can you. Show a little bit of courage now ET and be quick about, it It is for your own good. I promise.
When the pain got too much to take ET knew there was no other way out. He closed his eyes and jumped in to that awful wet water and made a solemnly promise not to even go close to another anthill again.

What a horrible experience on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon said the Slut. What if the water hadn’t been so close? I think we were pretty lucky after all. What do you think ET?
Well, don’t mention it again he snapped.
Yes I agree said Gunnar but above all you cats learned a good lesson today. Don’t mess with ants.
Is that all you have to say Gunnar? I might have died in that blasted creek ET said and started to groom his fur.
Gunnar felt proud to have saved his pals from all that pain and put his nose high up in the air. He the tiny poodle with a diamond collar around the neck was a lot smarter than that damn Top Cat ET. That one is just a big talker.
After ten minutes the gang was fast asleep in the high grass and the afternoon sun dried up the cats furs.
End of chapter one



Chapter two
THE OPERATION TENDER LOIN

After a good hour of sleep Gunnar woke up and felt a bit dizzy. He looked around and found the cats still sound asleep.
Wake up you lazy buggers, now it’s time to continue our Wednesday outing. I had in mind to visit that white cottage were the Big Shots live. I have been there before with master Tony. He told me that they are moviemakers and very rich. Perhaps we can do a little snooping around the house and find something to eat. I am getting pretty hungry. How about you?
ET and the Slut were all for the idea and the gang set off in to the woods. It took them only five minutes to get to the white cottage beside the naked oak tree. It was a very nice house with a garden, a pool and one classy car parked in the driveway.
That car is a Ferrari said Gunnar proudly. Master Tony told med about it last summer when we took a walk across the woods to visit the Wilson family. It’s a car used only by rich people so now you know ET. Master Tony’s Dodge is not nearly in that league.
We don’t care about cars said ET. Let’s have a look around perhaps we might find something to eat. Rich people always throw things away. I smell that somebody have been drinking coffee not long ago, perhaps they left some cakes on the table. Yeah let’s check said the Slut and moved on
to the veranda.
I can sense something else said ET and sniffed about. If I am not mistaken it is the smell of meat, lovely cocked meat just out of the oven. Shall we go and find out?
Stop, stop Gunnar warned, somebody could be in the house and we can get caught. This is dangerous business and one must be very careful. I too can feel that lovely smell of meat and we are close to it. Oh yes, I can see it now. It is a nice piece of roasted meat lying there on a plate to cool off. If I am not mistaken it’s a Tender Loin and just enough for a steady dinner. I use to be around Lady Jane in the kitchen when she cooks dinner. That is why I know about that piece of neat. Once she give me a piece to taste and it is yummy.
ET was impressed with Gunnar knowing almost everything. That stuff education must be good. Perhaps he ought to go in for it himself on of these days.
The gang held a quite conference on the veranda. They all agreed and they all wanted a bite of that lovely meat called Tender Loin.
It has to be planned very carefully said The Slut. It’s going to be very exciting just like something we watch on TV. Let’s call it Operation Tender Loin but can it really be done?
Well, it’s going to be a bit tricky but not all together impossible said ET. As I can see the people of the house are sleeping in the hammock at the moment. The thing is to operate quietly. The slightest little noise can give us away. This goes especially for Gunnar. You are not very good at sneaking and now you must be extra careful. Just let us do the dangerous job and remember that we are good at sneaking. However you must help us to carry it away from the veranda. It looks very heavy.
They were all thinking of the coming juicy pork dinner but the hardest bit was yet to come. It took some good planning because they would be given only one chance. The slightest noise would end the operation Tender Loin.
ET scratched his head and stamped on the board with his right paw. He had deep creases between his eyes and was thinking heavily before speaking.
This is how we are going to do it he said. Slut you jump on to the windowsill and hold on to the plate. It must under no circumstances fall to the floor. Gunnar and I is grabbing each end of the meat and slide it over the edge. It has to be done very quickly. After that the Slut is keeping a look out and make sure that the coast is clear. We run as fast as we can to the bushes behind the tool shed. If the people still are sleeping we run true the woods carrying the meat between us. The bushes will protect us and give us a chance to rest. It is going to be a tough job, I promise you.
That is a good idea ET Gunnar said and I think it’s going to work too. The piece is heavy and I am a lot stronger than you two measly little cats. If it is necessary I can carry it myself. So I am all for the idea. Let’s get to action.
ET was now in charge of the operation Tender Loin and it all worked out as planned. The people slept on in their hammocks and not one single sound was made on the veranda. The hunk of meat landed safely on the floor and was carried off. Everything went as planed. Now they all sat down behind the tool shed to catching their breath. Oh yes the piece was heavy all right.
Okay Gunnar said, so far so good. The operation Tender Loin was however not to be as easy as planned. They had to put down the meat time and again because it was very heavy to carry even for Gunnar and ET. Many unexpected things got in their way and worse was that hungry rattlesnake in the middle of the bridge. He was ready to strike if anybody came up too close. The gang must now make a stop to figure out how get by him.
We must scare him off somehow said ET. I’ll throw some dirt in his face. Said and done but it didn’t help, the snake just lad not move and just rattle his tail.
Gunnar tried to jump up and down on the wooden bridge and barking loudly. The snake moved a little but not enough for the gang to walk by him.
Time dragged on and the rattler fell asleep. Now The Slut got really mad. This is enough she thought. Suddenly she walked towards the snake. ET and Gunnar were chocked. Mjjjjjuijjjjauiiiiii she hauled like a big Ara Bird. That sound could easily awaken people from their graves. The snake got so scared that he winded away on the spot and hid in the ditch.
Gunnar and ET were flabbergasted. What an idea coming from a little girl cat, we tip our hats. The Slut purred and felt mighty proud to have done something good. Now she was really part of the gang.
When the adventure with the Rattler was over they carried on and finally reached the sandy road. From there they could see the Ohlson house in the end of it. We are nearly home now, Gunnar said and took a deep breath. We must still get to the house without being spotted. Keep close to the ditch just in case somebody shows up. Nobody must find out what we are up to. The Ohlson family would be chocked if they knew what we’ve done. They don’t really understand yet that we are born hunters except for Gunnar of course. Perhaps they would kick us out of the house if they new the truth, the tiger in us will never rub off.
Oh, the meat looks awful it must be washed good and clean said the Slut. It is full of dirt, dried grass and all kinds of things from the road. We can’t eat it like this. Maybe we can hide it until tomorrow and wash it in the pond before the Olson’s is awake. Isn’t that a good idea Pals?
Gunnar admitted that the Tender Loin was a real mess and not in the least appetizing at the moment. It had to be cleaned some how.
Behind the woodpile is the perfect hiding place said ET. Nobody ever goes there during the summer. I think it is pretty safe.
Time for dinner Lady Jane shouted from the kitchen. As I promised before you will have meatballs and gravy on top of the dry food. It’s going to be a fest and for desert a little bit of ice cream.
The Tender Loin was now safe behind the stocks and covered with dry grass. The gang ate their dinner as usual and acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. ET yarned several times over his food bowl and looked very tired for this early hour.
Did you have a busy afternoon ET Lady Jane asked? You look exhausted and your fur is dirty. Were have you been?
Oh, just down the creek having some fun ET answered quickly. It is muddy down there.
Yes the Slut joined in and acted innocent, we played down the creek and now it is time to go for the blanket. ET joined her and they both thought of that poor family in the woods having no meat on the table that evening.
Gunnar kept Lady Jane and Tony company for a while looking at TV but after a while he went for his comfortable doggy bed. He did not feel all together happy because now he was a real thief. All this happened because of the blasted cats. Well, what’s done cannot be undone. Perhaps just to be on the safe side I ought to say a little prayer. To be honest I use to nick food from the table when Lady Jane turns her back

Around five o’clock the next morning ET was right awake. The Slut was already in the kitchen looking for some leftovers. No time to eat ET said and dragged her along the hallway. We must get Gunar going. It will take a while to clean that big hunk of meat. Remember now you must be very quite and don’t make a single sound. We made it so far and you did very well Slut.
The team sneaked out from the house and went straight for the woodpile. Holy Joseph said ET, it is going to be some breakfast when we are done.
Don’t be to hasty the Slut warned, we are not there yet. The meat still has to be cleaned and one of us must go into the water to do it. I suggest it have to be Gunnar because he is not afraid of that awful wet water. I have watched him swim in the lake together with Lady Jane and Tony.
Shut up Slut and don’t talk so much, we have to be quick about it. ET was eager to take his first bite of their catch.
Oh no howled Gunnar when he came over to the woodpile where they hid the meat. I can’t believe it. Come and see for yourself, it’s gone. The Tender Loin is plane gone. It has disappeared during the night.
ET got furious and started to search all around the pile but could not find a trace of the meat. Holy Moses he screamed, somebody must have stolen it. Who could do such a thing? Just imagine go right in and steal from somebody else. I am chocked.
The Slut scratched her head and thought about it. The Fox or maybe the Lynx she said.
Gunnar did not agree. I must be the Badger, he said. Oh, he is a mean one that I know.
Who could have the nerve to steal somebody’s food anyway? ET was raving.
Don’t talk so big ET. How did we get that piece of meat anyway? We stole it from the family in the white cottage. So what? We lost a piece of steak but had lots of excitements doing it. So why are you complaining? We have plenty of food in this house anyway said the Slut and patted ET on the back.
Yeah it was a lot of fun ET said. It was a real adventure but of course the meat got terribly dirty in the end. I guess the snatcher is welcome to it. But deep inside he had a hard time to except what happened. He cursed the thief with all the dirty language he had learned from the humans and suddenly he let out. Oh my God, now I finally get it. You blasted Pica Birds. You did it. Oh yes I nicked one of your tail feathers and now you are paying me back. We are at war from now on. ET was furious.
Krax, krax let the Pica Bird high up in the three tops. Who is the smart one now? I have good many meals for my family for days to come. You can never ever find out where I hid it. So you want a war. Try to catch me. I am quick and my beak is very sharp.
The operation Tender Loin was over and done with and the three pals were already planning fore coming adventures.
I know what to do, ET said with a twinkle in his eyes and it is going to be just as interesting.
Written by Inger Malm
www.malms.info

Skriven av: Inger Malm