Kategori: Novell

Stuck (A Fly's Perspective on Pooping in Cups)


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Have you ever pooped in a cup?

I bet you have, you shrewd little bastard. Everybody has taken the liberty of pooping in a cup once or twice. Some have even done it a douzen times. It's just that nobody's got the guts to admit it.

What I'm about to tell you right now, is a story that must stay between me and you. Maybe you wonder why. Well, that's because my friend's personal integrity and reputation is on the line.

Because getting killed while pooping in cups among flies like me, is among you humans pretty much similar to getting killed by a fucked up baby while masturbating in your grandma's panties. People would still laugh at it thousands and thousands of years after your "horrible" death.

So, let's call my so called friend Dick. And don't even ask me why.

Anyway. This story takes place in a kitchen cabinet, location unknown. Considering the dirty, stinky mugs, this place probably was at an american's disposal.
I've heard they're both lazy and fat, and that could explain why the owner of these mugs puts them right back in the kitchen cabinet after he has used them,
without washing up. Now isn't that disgusting?

So one day, Dick paid this supposed american a visit. It was a sunny day. Dick had been eating scraps of food out of a garbage can earlier that morning.
He was so full he almost couldn't fly. "This truly was going to be a perfect day for pooping in cups", Dick thought for himself.

So he flew into the man's house while he was sitting at the kitchen table, eating some sort of junk food.
"What the fuck is that?", Dick wondered for himself. He wished he could speak the same language as the man and ask him...
Never mind, he didn't. That bastard would probably fall over and then mash Dick in a split second if he opened his mouth and started to talk to him.
Humans sure were cruel monsters.

Just like that teenage guy who killed both his mother and his sister with a porn magazine. "God, why a porn magazine?", Dick had said when he found out. That
was like double humiliation for his mom and his sis'. Not just being crushed by any paper, but a porn magazine, which in itself is a disgrace to the whole
feminine sex. Dick hoped they had ruined that bastard's special moment, and made his cock slack just when he was about to have his orgasm.

"Humans don't deserve cocks", he said to himself.

Then he entered the kitchen cabinet and set to work. He pooped in as many cups as possible. He realized that the feces left his asshole incredibly easily.
Moments like these were the only times he was glad having diarrhea. "God, this is wonderful!", Geraldo shrieked.

Then, when Dick flew into this dusty cup of white cracked porcelain in the back of the second one of the three shelves, he suddenly couldn't move. He was stuck.
Something sticky embraced him. Dick's heart stopped for a few seconds as he realized what the hell he was stuck in... spider's web.
Then he slowly discerned something big, black and awfully repugnant creeping out of the shadows. A spider.

"Don't you dare touch me, you miserable six-legged fuck!", Dick shouted.

The spider threw itself on him, and all of a sudden eveything became black... What a bad ending of a sad story.

Anyway. What conclusion can we draw from this? Except that we really should watch our asses carefully when we poop in cups from now on, because that is some serious shit.

Maybe we can all agree on the fact that getting mashed to death by a porn magazine is a hell of a better way to die than by being eaten by ugly spiders. No matter if you're a man, a woman, a fly, or just a little bit gay...

Skriven av: callum


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